I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
