i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
