oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
