I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
