....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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