the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
