Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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