my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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