remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
