i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
There's always time for handjobs
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
