I'm lost and stupid without you.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
