Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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