I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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