M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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