the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
