I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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