when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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