Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
