This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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