I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
