last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
