you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
