you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
