I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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