he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
