Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
