Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹ï¸
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