Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
