I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
