so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
