He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
