Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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