we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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