So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
