dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
