He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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