Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i think i have two assholes
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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