Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
