The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
where does the pee come out of this thing
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
