I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
