this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
