she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
