You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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