dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
