Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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