he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
