Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
