I look better un-naked...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
