i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm like, not good at living.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
