i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
