why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
